Just Me

Just Me

well this is just me

today I am nothing more then an empty shell

I learned something that will forever

change my views on my life as it sits right now

I can not nor will not say what i learned

just that my heart is broken and my spirit crushed

I no longer feel like my life is anything more then a joke

the lies i have been living although not my

own still lies none the less

I know things i wish i didn't but can not change that i do

my heart feels like it has been removed

beaten with a hammer

then shoved back in place

I gave my all and it was for nothing

I have nothing to show for it and nothing gained from it

as always but hey that is just another

day in my life right..

It is OK though I am the Wolf

and I will make it through this

just like every time before

there is nothing out there that will ever hold be back and keep

me from being who I am

it may only detour the trip and slow it down

but it will never take me off that

path i know is the right one for me

I have been beaten and almost killed in the past

raped and made to feel like a belonging

rather then a human yet i am still here

I may be worn down and hurting inside

But i am still the Wolf

I will make it through this as I have everything else in my life

with or with out anyone by my side

It is not the first nor will it be the last time

I will have to over come such pains to survive

Well It is my own fault really

who else can i blame but me it was I who

decided to try a real life with a real family

how foolish of me honestly what was i thinking

I should of known better really i should of

but as always I did not listen to myself and moved forward

only to find myself here yet again

Bill Gates in Heaven

Bill Gates dies, and goes up to Heaven.

There Saint Peter showed him to his house,

a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court.

Bill Gates was pleased,

and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

Then one day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks,

when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"

"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here.

I've been treated really well.

I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill,

with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royce's."

"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates."

No," said his new friend, "Actually,

I was the captain of the Titanic."

Hearing this made Gates so angry

that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.

Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying,

"How could you give me a paltry new house,

while you're showering new cars, a mansion,

and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic?

I invented the Windows operating system!

Why does he deserve better??!"

"Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "

and the Titanic only crashed once.

Is Windows A Virus?

Is Windows a Virus?

No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do:

1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down thesystem as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,Windows does that too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user,

along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh, Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their systemis too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. -

Yup,Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

Viruses are well supported by their authors;

are running on most systems;

their program code is fast, compact and efficient;

and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.

Night has fallen

Night has fallen on the Wolf den again

wow this day seemed to just drag on

I am grateful it has finally come to an end

it was hot and muggy out there today

while i was working on removing the fence

but i did manage to get most of it down without help

but i did need him to get it out of the ground and rolled

he was annoyed i started it as i said he

would be but got over it fast

as he still does not feel well and My doing it made

his job a lot easier

got most but not all the laundry done and

the trash is on the rd for pick up in the

morning

the dogs all have been fed and watered played

with and spoiled as every day lol

the kids are all fed and the dishes will wait till the morning as

I am beat!! and lord knows their hands

will fall off if any of them do the dishes

never did get to the floors today

mainly because every one kept running

in and out all day making it difficult

But oh well just add it to that list

for tomorrow right

I need to run the tiny deep freezer over

to Sonja's then back to the grind again

maybe i will actually get some things completed lmao

but i do not think i will hold my breath

as i never seem to really get it all

done with 7 of us living here it is hardly easy

the laundry and dishes are constant as is the floors

it seems just when i think i am bout done

in comes 6 more loads of dirty clothes

or another two sink loads of dishes and lord

help the poor floors they are in constant need of

sweeping or mopping lmao

But it is all good I will one day figure out the

secret and master the tricks of the old ones.

well good night all sleep well i hope i do!

The Fence Line

Well the Master has an upset

tummy so I think I will leave him

sleep and go start that fence line job myself

Not a Big deal really as Before him there

was really only me to do this stuff

so it is just back to Grass roots is all lol

I will go remove the fence we planned on moving and set it where

he can get to it when he is feeling better

this way he only has half the work he would of

had to do making his job that much easier

Or at least one would think

but knowing the Master as well as I do

some how some way I will have done

it all wrong and caused him extra work

Mark the wolfs words on this one

I know him very well and even though

in actuality I didn't he will still fuss

as if I did..

Out side of this i am still grinding away at the

laundry as well as the trash that needs to go out

and the long over due cleaning of the youngest wolf pups

room grrr darn boy so messy lol

Once I have completed these task

I shall move on to the sweeping and mopping oh

for joy what a party this is gonna be

but fret not my loyal readers i will be back again

to post yet another remarkable tale

of the daily grind in the Wolf Den lmao

Good Morning all

Good Morning

Well Maybe it is Maybe it isn't

Yet to be determined

I am doing that thing i do so well today

the never ending Laundry

Lord knows life would end if mom's

everywhere just hung up the laundry soap

and stopped providing clean clothes for all lmao

or at least my kids think so lol

Thankfully I now have fully functioning washer to do the job

correctly :-D oh Happy Days

I have high hopes that while i am

doing that laundry thing My other half

will do the manly fix the fence line thing

lol

I am getting a bit annoyed with the escapes

from fort wolf lmao

our tender hearted beast keep making a break for the border

since I have no desire to see the neighbors

making a Bear skin rug I am insisting

that we do something to protect the beast

The Male Unit although grumbly does agree

and I hope will follow through before any such

Bear skinning occurs lol

So far it has been a very quiet day here

no major malfunctions or dissagreements

the kids are all sleeping and the dogs are all playing

My mother is her every day annoying self

insisting i drop everything to make her some

pickles well of course i will drop everything

just for her I mean really it is not like i have any sort of

life of my own or a family i need to tend to

or an army of hounds i need to care for.

Some days i just have to wonder if it is

not her desire to truly make me lose

what is left of my pathetic mind

I do love her to death Just gets my

fur all tangled when she pushes me that way

but oh well that's the price for being the youngest and

the only girl i expect damn DNA

Another day done

Another day is done

And yes I am happy it is over

Been long and frustrating

My sweet love got the plumbing done

yeah!!

But then there is the renter Wendell

Grrrrr !! Now he is pissing the

Wolf off big time

I only charge him $150.00 a month under the terms

he will do all the needed repairs and have

no live in roommates/lovers or friends

well he moved a woman with several children

in against my will 6 months ago but I let it slide

He has made no major repairs of any

kind till His well pump went out this month

and he still has not got it fixed yet was unable to pay

his rent this month

Today while he was in our yard to repair his pump

either he or one of those he had with him

took our dog Bear off his lead allowing him and the wolf Storm

to get out of the yard and off the property.

when confronted he of course denied it

completely hence the begining of the the uproar

Now anyone who has been following this blog

and anyone who knows me at all

knows i do not like to raise my voice or get angry

But tonight I did

I got very angry and i did raise my voice

It became very unpleasant as the two of

became quite loud and aggressive

I finally took myself

out of it refusing to continue with any such

behaviour I walked away while he continued on

that is when you guessed it my Sweet love

once again did his thing and Stood up and set

Wendell straight By this time of course i already

made it to our door and brought the dog home and in

Roger however stood ground and told him the facts and

sent him off to his home tail between his legs

Shortly after i returned out to see my sweet had found

and returned with our wolf.

while we were out in the back fixing the fence area

they escaped from and making sure

our bear was secured once again

out popped Wendell tail still tucked

begging forgiveness and attempting to mend

what once was a good friendship

now even though i am angry

and convinced he was aware of how the dog

was unleashed I am not the type to just throw

away 3 years of friendship

However it will never be what it was

simply for the amount of lies he has

told i have caught him in more then one

I have a zero lie tolerance

i will never accept a lie for any reason

nor will i forgive the teller

I am this way with every single

person in my life

No lie rs!

No cheaters!

No hitters!

No thieves!

I make No secret of this to anyone

So he is very well aware that I no longer will

trust or believe in him

no mater how long we are friends.

It is truly sad because before

he moved this woman and her children in

I never once had a single problem

from him other then his dog was begging to get in my

house.

Well that is all I have for you tonight

sorry it is nothing exciting or world changing lmao

Just another day In the life of the Wolf

plumbing

Yahoo!!

The Plumbing is finally done

we now have hot and cold water everywhere :D

this is very exciting lol it is nice to know we can

wash the clothes properly

all the lines have been finally switched over from the

copper & cpvc to Pex!!

we actually have water pressure through out the

entire house

Is a very Happy wolf now!

Only took a few days and a bit more money

then we were hopping it would lol

but it is finally done and working perfectly

I do love it when things finally go

the way they were meant to

Roger did an awesome job

and I am very grateful to have him

around to fix those things i sure could

not have fixed lol

He is my sweet shug and I love him dearly

I am amazed how quickly i can do the laundry now

after it taking nearly an hour to fill in the past having it fill in seconds

just really thrills the heck out of me lol

sad to think my big thrills are hot & cold running water

and fast filling washers but hey

what did you expect i live in the woods

and money is always short these

things take time ROFLMAO

But we got them now yeah!!!!

now if we can only fix the leaking roof

and the weak floors lmao

maybe in a year or two we will actually have a half

decent home after all lmao

Only time will tell

Just Another day

Just Another Day

Thought there would be something new or exciting

for this new day but as always nothing new here lol

But in all honesty i kind of figured there would

not be any real difference as after all

It is my life lmao

Now if it was your life I bet there would be something cool

or exciting going one for ya

I tend to have one of the most boring uneventful

lives there is lmao

Unless it involves one of the kids getting hurt or

actually moving from in front of the TV

yeah nothing special happening here lol

As for the Master well He is just him

the exact same him he always is

Sweet, Sexy, and mine for now!

I think my biggest excitement comes from the silly dogs

every single morning when I get up I

grab their daily vitamins and get them set up to begin

passing them out

I swear they think it is some sort of crack or speed

They will actually knock each other down to get it

and then they want everyone Else's too lmao

I get a real giggle out of watching them

they can hear those bottles being open and

man it is a free for all to see who

is gonna get theirs first.

It kind reminds me a little of when I lived in Brooklyn NY

My Mom use to drag us to Macy's & Gimbles for the

Big sales ya know the ones where the

flocks of tiny silver haired ladies

with canes and umbrellas always showed up.

you can walk down the isles and watch them

fighting and beating on each other over

some of the silliest things

Like a scarf or a hankie lmao

that is what it is like to give my dogs their vitamins

each day lmao..

Well that was my exciting morning thus far

bet you just could not wait to read that huh lol

I do hope the day will get better but lets not

try holding our breath for that to happen

I do not want the guilt of someone

passing out and bumping their head or any other

body part lmao!!

WOW

WOW is all i can mus ta

Tonight I was showed just how much love he has

for me in his way and a way i could actually see

we were on our way to pick up a few parts for the plumbing

with less then an hour to get there before the

store closed just as we got to the main rd.

I got the really bad feeling in my stomach

only a mother would understand

I got such and over whelming fear for

My oldest Son Todd it was one of those

this ain't gonna be good type things

without a word or a fuss or any concern for

the closing store he turned the car around

without me even asking and went to

find my son!!

I am grateful that the feeling was wrong

and we found him safe and sound with

his grandmother.

We did make it to the store with only minutes to spare

and he was the perfect sweetheart

about the entire event

I for the first time truly felt him it was

AMAZING I was very shocked

I have no words that can ever express just how very

comforted he made me feel

Just to know he would turn around for me

because of a feeling that scared me

Thank you will never be enough..

to know he was there willingly without complaint

to be the one who made my fear go away

I am so very happy to be able to have someone like

him in my life even though it is not perfect

in any way I would not trade him for any other

He and he alone is the one I was created For!

I Love him with every fiber of my soul

My Insanity

Inside the mind of the wolf

OK THIS IS HOW MY MIND WORKS

At times I will act like nothing is wrong even though

I feel like my world is crumbling around me

I do this for several reasons because

telling some one or asking for help

makes me feel like a failure or an inconvenience to them.

I will never tell some one I love what I

May need or want from them directly

Mainly because from my point of view

If I actually have to ask or tell you

Then you never wanted me to have it to start with.

That goes the same for items i may like want or need

I will never say hey babe can you buy me

or will you get me ever!! when it pertains to things i may

desire or wish i could get..

Not true for things i truly need now that is the only time i will ask

directly but then i will be left feeling like crap after

I am never asked to get you the things you may need or

want as long as i have the money it is yours.

even if it is stupid in my eyes if you like it and desire it

& I am able to get it I almost always do.

That is the difference between me and most

I very seldom ever have to be asked i just do

It is who I am

I am the type of person that See's things very Black and White

there is no grey areas when it comes to how i treat those

around me.

I do not half do any thing, if i say I am going to.

I do that is it.

If I tell you I love you then i do, no questions asked

But when I tell you I am in Love with you

You better believe I will give my life to prove it daily!

It may not always seem like it

But it is in the subtle things i say and do

the touch on your back or the kiss on you hand

It may simply be the flirting or the look in my eye

It could even be the way I fold your clothes or make the bed

Basically Everything I do everyday I am with you will be because i am

in Love with you.

There of course will be those times

when i seem very cold and distant from you.

If you think about it truly it may just be because I feel

like I am not important to you.

Or maybe it is because I feel like the things I do

mean very little to you. Some times it really has nothing

to do with you at all..

If you ever need to know all you need do is ask

I may not always tell you what or why

But i will tell you if it is not you

I am the same with everyone

Family & Friends

I am the exact same Wolf no mater who

I am dealing with

I do not lie

I do not steal

I do not take advantage of anyone

I tend to give much more then i receive

I normally do not expect to much from any one

mainly to avoid disappointment

In general this is just who I am

Not to hard to get along with not to needy or demanding

I very seldom raise my voice get angry or cause a fuss

I am always there for my friends and family

weather they are there for me or not.

So that was a glimpse into the mind of this Wolf

take it or leave this is the real me

for good or bad i am all real!!

So you decide if you want to take the time to

get to know me well enough to actually

become a part of my life..

Cause this is who I am !

Big Mistake

Have you ever ask yourself things like

self why did you let me do that?

Or

self what were you thinking?

Or

Self are you really that stupid?

Well I sure Do and Man I can never get a straight answer when i do either!

I have to question my own sanity at these times

I start to think that i must really be crazier then i thought.

especially when it comes to the choices i make regarding my daily life

like for started back in August of 08 i took in a 14yr old boy

I thought at the time it was the right thing to do

man i could not be further from the truth on that one

The arrangements were made by the Djj & Dss court systems

out here for his placement with me

he was to be warded to me until his court case came up

at that time a placement would be made

I was assured that his parents would provide support for him

as I was not lic. as a Foster parent and could not be paid

by the state.

well that was a joke and a half there they have not paid a dime

after a month of living with us

things in our home began to break or be lost

always with the claim it wasn't me or i do not know

His temper was uncontrolled and he was quick

to start destroying our stuff doors,windows,walls,ext.

He wanted to be the big man in the home the

Alpha male so to speak

and well being he was far from it that made him very aggressive

with the my three children .

when he asked if he could bring his male beagle dog

here i had to say no as i already

have a full house and was not willing to add another

shortly after we noticed his treatment of our dogs had

become questionable

then outta the blue three of them came up dead

I know it was him but I have no way to prove that

this was in March of 09 I went to his parents and the DSS

and demanded he be removed

but no one did anything it was like screw you

you took him you deal with it

life here had become so stressed my youngest moved to my

mothers for a time to get away from him

DSS ignored all my calls and pleas for help as did his parents

DJJ claimed they could do nothing with out a court order

but no one would do anything to get it

It had gotten so bad that my children took to complete avoidance

none wanted to even be in the same room with him

and all wanted him out

I was so frustrated and angry with him I did not even

wish to look at him for fear i would

say or do something cruel

By May I was at my wits end I called a meeting

of the DSS & DJJ staff involved with his case

and demanded they find him new placement by the end

the school year

School let out June 2nd i was told they would take

it to the courts by then

but no later then June 23 rd yeah right sure

they would

I became angry and very disgusted with all of them

but most of all with his parents

because with every step they made it harder

and made him more difficult to handle

I Finally Had enough when July had come and he was still here

I called DSS and told them straight either

you get him out of here or i am going

to drop him at the nearest police station and let them deal

with him I told them I would wait no longer

if he was not removed before the 4th I would

remove him myself

I found it absolutely amazing when they showed up

on the 3 rd with a new court order for his placement

Make ya wonder just how long they had it

and why they would not do any thing sooner to

help when it may of been fixable?

since then i have asked myself almost daily

WTF were you thinking

why would you let me do that

How stupid are you

Keep in mind there is much more to this

story i am forbidden to repeat in a public forum

I only mentioned the things I could mention

so please do not ask why he was removed from his home to start with

or Why his parents were still involved or why I needed that court system

I can not by law answer any of those question.

I did however learn a very Important

lesson in this venture

Never Again Will I Ever Help Any One

In This Way Again!!!

I have removed the Dumb Ass Tattoo

from my forehead and turned off the

neon Sucker Sign on the front door permanently

DEAR KIDS

Dear Kids,

Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end.

I am simply taking a bath.

It will take about thirty minutes and will involve soap and water.

Yes, I know how to swim.

Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water

is more work than I've got energy for.

(Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects,

but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

Don't panic if I'm not out right on time.

I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory.

While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things.

The large slab of wood between us is called a door.

Do not bang to hear my voice.

I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side.

I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border,

no matter what I said a while ago.

I didn't mean it. Honest.

There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day.

"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and

contemplating bubble gum in the hair dryer.

I know you have important things to tell me.

Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles,

not a new way to add gum to your hair.

Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the
closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing.

The answering machine will take the message.

If you feel you need to answer it,take a message.

Since Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down.

Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker.

We can't send him to school with telephone number tattoos.

Water makes me wet, not deaf.

I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing"

and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball.

I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs.

I'm choosing NOT to answer you.

Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom.

He didn't appreciate it last time.

He won't appreciate it more this time. Trust me.

No matter how much I would like it,water does not make me forgetful.

I remember who you are and why you are grounded.

No, you can't go to Shelby 's house to play.

No, you can't go to Jayden's house to use the bathroom.

If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait.

Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to"water" the lawn.

I know the dog does it.

The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked.

Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention.

I know it works in the movies.

This is reality,the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them.

Do not set the house on fire.

Call me if there is an emergency.

Emergencies ARE:Dad has fallen off the roof.

Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.

There's a red fire truck in front of our house.

Emergencies ARE NOT:

Dad has fallen asleep.

Someone on TV is bleeding.

There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.

One other thing:

Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy.

It makes me sticky with little white polka dots.

In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the water

instead of every towel in the house.

For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay?

No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever.

Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.By the way,

all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.

Be good.

Entertain yourselves.

Yes, you can do both at the same time.

Try coloring, playing a game,

or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.

I'll be out soon.

Maybe.

Love,Your Mom

Good Afternoon/Evening all

Well here I am sitting in front of this computer screen again

big surprise there right.

I am here a lot more then i use to be

seems i find comfort in the keystrokes i take.

Or

Maybe I just find comfort knowing there is someone

on another screen some where looking forward to my next entry

Either way here i am lol.

I have so much to say but when it comes time to type

I seem to always draw a blank

Wonder why that is?

I am the same way in person people Honestly

I want to speak I do but when push comes to shove

I almost never do.. It is like some force out there

rips the voice from my throat to keep me silent.

I spend a great deal of my day that way very quiet

but in my defense I have been like this for a very long

time I am not sure what exactly caused it just that i am

It can however really cause problems for me

Like family members are always getting mad at me

and my BF thinks i am ignoring him all the time

& then there is my mother who thinks i am just well

A BITCH period.

It is not really the case I do have things to say

I just can not seem to find the voice to say it

when i want or need to.

Like for example with my BF

there are many times i want to say some thing to him

but his mannerism tend to stop me.

He is the ready for battle type

I am the rather not even raise my voice type

So if i have some thing to say to him most times i just don't

say anything at all

Because i do not want to cause a ruckus or get huffed at.

That and I find that he takes things i say a bit more personal

then they are meant.

So why waste my time and risk an unnecessary fight or argument.

Then there are the times i just want to scream out

to any one who will listen here i am right here

why cant you see me lol

But well that's for another blog i am sure lmao

Another reason i tend to stay so quiet i think

is because people are always complaining i do not

speak loudly enough for them

Well damn it that is just me why do I have to change

every thing about me but no one else

has to change anything about them?

I have always been the one to make the changes or sacrifices

weather it be for my mother, brothers & my children.

Or for the romantic interest i am with

Hell it seems even for those so called friends I have known

But none have ever really had to do any such

changes to suit me

I never expected any from my Mother or Children

to be honest her giving birth to me was truly

enough and their being my legacy is as well

I would just once like not to be the one

Maybe just once it would be nice to have that done for me

to be accepted just as I am would be even better.

Well I guess for now I will just have to continue feeling

Like a disappointment to them all

Cause I do not see myself changing my way of silence

any time soon it is just who I am deal with it.

Good Morning

Good Morning Wolf Ville

Just taking a moment to tell ya how things are today

so far so good lol i woke like any other day

looked over saw him there sleeping grabbed the laptop

and proceeded to log into those darn Mafia Wars

Lord Knows i can not wait to long to get my money in the bank or

someone may rip me off wipe me out and steal my

fake millions lmao

yeah i know pathetic damn it how did this happen

I use to be such a stable well balanced adult

when did i become this cyber money hungry freak lol

you know it is bad when your nights are filled with damn that Default Don

I am so gonna get even with him for robbing my cyber casino

or

That losey Master enforcer creep who put the $8,000 cyber hit out on me

Most people in a real life relationship

are normally discussing how the day went

snuggling close to each other to watch TV or maybe actually

making love

Nope not us

We used to be some what normal like that once

I am not sure what happened to change it

But it did we went from having a relationship to just being

roommates in a warped kinda way bearly friends with benefits.

He is normally sucked in to dinner dash or some other game

Or surfing the profiles on MYB

It is almost like I must of done something wrong

or maybe he is just tired of me for one reason or another.

He claims he is not but his actions say otherwise lol.

Not all his fault I am sure I must of done something wrong.

Became unattractive to him something who knows.

Mean while i have started to turn to Tagged

I kinda not want to be on MYB very much any more

I not need to see i am not who he is surfing ya know what i mean lmao

I was never big on any of the games before just not my thing

but if i cannot have a real life i guess a cyber life will do right lol

So in comes Mafia Wars it a stupid game i guess but it is what i have to look

forward to it will be there always glad to see me lol

Happy i am on making those hits robbing the other families

and building my family stronger with each job i do.

Granted it will never tell me it is in love with me

but then again never has he lol so nothing missing there

And sure it wont tell me how beautiful i am today but there again

never has he either so nothing lost again.

But it will never tell me it has a head ache or it tired

or just plain forget im in the room either lmao

so score one for the Mafia lmao

I enjoy playing it cause it gives me something to do

being a red blooded over 30 American female

we all know that is the time when left idle to long we tend to seek out

affection or attention from others well i refuse to do that as i am a wolf

and loyal to the end so a game will just have to be my option

I love my Man with all my heart and if this is what we have

then i will just have to accept it and make the best of

what is being offered

He says i act like nothing he does is good enough

I so do not think that to be true in anyway

in fact i make it a point to tell him when i like what he is doing

so how can that be true

is it maybe possible that what he is trying really is not any different then

what has caused this down fall in our relationship to start with

He went from showing me he wants me to barely touching me

at all humm not a good thing their at all

He use to make me feel like i was important to him

But now i just feel like an old shoe he kicked under the bed and forgot about

To ask him he thinks it is all about sex with me

Well here is my view on that one

Yes i like sex nothing to hide there

But think about this

If all you were offered to start with was some sort of sexual comfort then it

it was jerked away completely what would you feel ??

well that is were i sit

never having been told he was in love with me

never hearing from his lips i was beautiful in anyway

All he ever offered was amazing sex then he took it away

so humm yeah i feel unwanted now

go figure .

That is why i turned to the games figured not gonna get

turned away by them so instead of dreaming of his arms around me

I now dream of my next move or attack on the games

sad i know but all the truth from my view of it

I am very sure his view would read a lot different

and i am also sure he to has he reasons for that neither of us being

wrong but both of us suffering from the end results of it.

Just a thought

OK I was reading a post by a friend of mine about animie love affairs so to speak.

although i find the thought of falling for a cartoon insane

I have to admit I have seen it before up close and personal

I am not sure what brings a mind to this point that they feel the need to

abandon reality and human relationships for the imaginary affections of

an animie character but I truly do feel sorry for those souls

who are that lost.

my question is what does it take to cause someone to truly give up

on any real relationship for the comforts of an imaginary one?

Is it fear of rejection? or just plain insanity?

In his post he spoke of a man using body pillows with the animie

characters graphic on it. The one I know is a very young beautiful woman

who could have any man she chooses but instead

she created a doll in the likeness of an animie character that she takes with her

everywhere and treats as if he is truly her one and only.

Now tell me what does one say to someone like this?

How do you respond to them when all you really want to do is tell them

is they have lost their ever loving minds?

Has our society really gotten this bad that our young people have decided to

by pass real life and head straight into the fantasy island zone.

When is it time to jerk the pillows and dolls away from these people

& give them the much needed counseling they deserve?

Nothing for Nothing it is a dirty job but one of us half sane folk really need to step up

to the plate and show them that life really is not that bad

You can still have a real relationship with living beings and survive.

Come on people we can do this together lmao!!

and if all else fails i am putting my dibs in now for He-Man

cause if this is what the world is coming to then I guess

he is as good as any for my needs

ROFLMAO!!

Just some info for you

The post I have just added are older from another blog i once had

Although they are old i still like them and decided to share them with everyone here

keep in mind sometimes i do write poetry sorry can be sappy like that lmao

but hey that's life read it or not your choice

well i do hope you enjoy what i have posted for now i will add more as time rolls on but for now this is it .

For Roger

WALKING IN THE DARK I FIND MY WAY.
THROUGH THE THICK BRUSH
AND TALL TREES
TILL I GET TO THIS PLACE.
DEEP IN THE DARKNESS
A FAINT LIGHT I CAN SEE
AS I GET A LITTLE CLOSER
THE MOST HANDSOME
MAN STARES BACK AT ME.
HIS FACE IS LIKE AN ANGEL
HIS EYES LIKE THE SEA
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR HIM TO NOTICE ME
WALK CLOSER OR JUST TURN AWAY
MY MIND IS CONFUSED AS MY HEART STARTS TO RACE
I LONG TO TELL HIM WHAT HIS TOUCH
DOES TO ME
NEVER BEFORE HAVE I FELT THIS WAY
WHAT HAS HAPPENED
WHY DO I FEEL SO LOST & CONFUSED
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE THAT
HE HAS TORE ME IN TWO
'BEFORE I MET YOU I WAS NUMB AND BLIND
CONTENT TO WALK ALONE ALL THE TIME'
MY HEART BEAR-LY BEATING WITHIN MY CHEST
NO FEELINGS OF LOVE TO
CLUTTER THE WAY
I USE TO THINK THAT MY LIFE WAS OK
TILL MY SOUL WAS AWAKENED
BY HIM ON THAT DAY
WHAT DO I DO
WHAT DO I SAY
HOW CAN I STOP MYSELF
FROM FEELING THIS WAY.
I CAN NOT RUN
I CAN NOT HIDE
FOR MY HEART & SOUL
TRULY WANT THIS GUY
SO I PLANT MY FEET AND FIRM I STAND
AS I WAIT TO SEE IF HE WILL TAKE MY HAND
WILL HIS HEART RACE TO MATCH
THE PACE OR WILL HIS DESIRES
TAKE HIM TO ANOTHER PLACE
MY HEART & SOUL BELONG TO HIM
SO HERE I WILL STAY TILL THE VERY END
**WRITTEN FOR ROGER BY HIS WOLF 11/11/08**

How can Love Hurt so Much?

I fell In Love but, it has been far from the best day of my life. If anything it was the single most frightening thing I have ever been through.
I finally found the one person I truly wanted to stand beside and, take on the world with! At first I was nervous and afraid to tell him. Then I did & it has been down hill ever since.
I told him I was in love with him & was met with silence. There are no words that could ever cut deeper or hurt more! Then to hear total silence from the one you Adore.
My heart shattered & my soul ached cause the one I love don't love me. I wanted to be everything he would ever need.
Now I battle every day trying to control the things I might say. I do not want to cause him any sort of pain so I try to keep my feeling all locked away.
Inside my soul a war does rage as my feelings and thoughts fight to escape. I try so hard to take back control to tame those emotion and save my soul.
I gave him my heart & soul that day and he just walked past and threw it away. I know I'm not perfect and far from a prize but what I had offered is real & for life.
As I lay down beside him each night I try not to look into his eyes. I don't want him to know just how much I have cried. He need not see the pain I hold inside.
To spite all of this I find myself still deeply in love & him with no feelings. No matter what I do no matter how hard I have tried I just can't push him out of my mind. I want him there as long as I can for he is the one I want to be with!
Even when he has finally moved on it will only be him that I will ever truly want!
So here I stand alone and, confused no place to hide ,no place to run to.

Food for thought

Asking myself this question a lot lately!!
How can you be single if you are living and sleeping with someone?
I noticed that a lot of men are listed as single yet they are living and sleeping with someone so tell me fellas are your women single too or is it just you?
I have never been much for playing stupid childish games in my life simply because I am old enough to know what and who I want!
I am not looking to change the way you are in any way if this is working for you by all means go for it. Just do not expect the same loyalty and devotion of a committed relationship if you yourself are not committed!
As far as I know a relationship requires much more then just showing up.. If you are not in it for the gold why are you in it at all?
I think it is time to step back and ask yourself these questions..
Why am I here?
Do I really want to be here?
How would I feel if she was gone?
Am I doing all I can to make it work?
Is she worth my time and energy or am I here just because I can be?
Have I made my feelings to her clear enough or is she still sitting in the dark?
You see guys if you are not real careful about how you do it the one whom you love may not really know it..
When a woman is left unattended and confused she tends to go to the one who knows just what to do..
There are a few who hang on till the very end but if the man she is with just doesn't change she is bound to end up with one who can..
If you truly love her and want her to stay then I think Today is the Day you should make a change!

Confusion

Ever been in one of those States where ya just don't know if your coming or going?
Well if so welcome to my world!
It seems at the moment I have no clue whats going on in my life.
I do not know what happened or why and at this point I am not even sure I really want to know.
I just wish people would quit pussy footing around and say it straight.
Last I checked we were all adults, Maybe I was wrong about that part.
If ya can't be straight with someone then don't be with them at all!
I have never said what I did not mean and I do not do what I do not wish to.
I have kept it real from the start and allowed for Human nature But, I expected at the least a Straight up approach in what ever happens!!

Just Stop Searching

Just Stop Searching!
I have been searching all my life looking for Just the right spice.
How was I supposed to know that I should leave it to my Soul.
I allowed my life to fall apart because I was to stupid to look into my heart.
Now I know which way I should go.
Towards the sounds of His calls, As He Howls out his sweet song
My Soul has shown me what it seeks, what makes my Heart skip a beat.
The Soul of another whom is just like, me.
When I see the one I am meant to please, My heart will surely rev up the speed.
As I gaze into the eyes of my new found love, I will know what the future holds for both of us.
Our Souls will sing in perfect harmony as if they were matched by destiny.
There will be No doubt, No questions asked.
Together we will set out on our path.
Our hearts wild & free.
Just like the Wolf inside of me.

This Wolf Feels Aggressive

This Wolf is feeling a bit aggressive lately!
I am the Hunter not the Hunted
Is this about to Change!
Although my interest has not changed my approach will.
I am back on the Hunt and am not about to settle for less then that which I desire!
When this Wolf becomes the Hunted it will be by the only one out there who can actually trap her and tame her. No other will do.
Until then Beware cause this Wolf bites and shows no mercy! If you want her you will have to earn her Respect and Devotion First.
If you think you are the One true Alpha then Let the Hunt begin!!

Getting Started

Hello all

Welcome to my mind, this is how it is gonna be in here:

Some days this blog will have important information & or thoughts from my insane wolf like mind.

On others it will simply have a joke or some sort of comical thought that may have passed through my normally crazy mind at one point or another.

In general this blog is for all who wish to get to know the real me

good or bad, crazy or insane just the pure honest me

A few things ya should know bout me is that:

I have a masters in:

Typoniese, run on sentences, horrible grammar, spelling and punctuations.

If any of these are going to be a problem for you well I'm sorry but,

I hate it for ya cause it's my blog not yours so get over it lmao!!

As for my insight on things again it is my insight not yours.

although i will read all your comments it does not mean i will agree with or changes my views because of them.

Any and all rude or cruel comments will be deleted and the sender will be blocked!

I am not here to be abused if ya not like my work stay off my page simple as that.

Well that is all you really need to know about my blog for now.

i look forward to confusing you, and possibly making you smile, laugh,

or cry once in a while.